CARMEN was diagnosed with lung cancer (stage four) during the last week of May this year. After she had been rushed to the hospital at about that time her daughter
WEENA emailed me via her mom's yahoo account to inform me of her health condition. This was upon CARMEN's request. On my part, after reading
WEENA's email, I felt compelled to call the family at once. And after much attempt to call BANGKOK, at last I was able to have a clear connection and spoke with CARMEN. This was around May 29, 2008, San Francisco time. Despite her illness during my call, CARMEN was the same compassionate and caring woman I knew many years before. She was calm and accepting of her fate and was even the one who comforted me about it. It felt like she was always ready to face her Creator. In her soft and modest voice, she said...
"Comadre, don't worry about me. They (doctors) are doing their best. They are excellent. They said that I would have to go for a radiation treatment then I'd be fine."
Spoken with utmost confidence, I believed her and I wished her to get well soon. Calm as she was, upon hearing her speak- my emotion took off. There was this pang of devastation that hit me. In a second, I cried. Then, CARMEN cried, too.
"It's okay, comadre. I am in the hands of the Lord."
Honestly, never in my thought did I think that this moment in time would come when one of us would be gravely ill; that we would be continents apart when it happens but then, it did. I never visualized it and thought it would never come this early in our life but it did.
Speaking with CARMEN during the time of her confinement at the hospital at the ICU was tough. I felt her sorrow and she felt mine- yet, in the back of my mind, in the depths of my heart, I also sensed her peace and acceptance of everything. If it was her time, she was ready for it.
CARMEN was unique. She had her own way of coping. CARMEN was a real lady in every bit of the way.
During that overseas call I made, we spoke for about an hour and a half maybe then she started to gradually cough heavily. Right there and then she excused herself and bid goodbye. However, she gave me a reassuring sigh, to take it easy and not to worry much about her. All at once, she had a quick laughter from her end that somehow made up for my disintegrated stance. Shortly, she turned over the phone to her daughter WASINEE. And that was the last time I ever heard her voice again.
In retrospect, my consolation came about a few days before she died.
I was able to speak with CARMEN once more although it was a one way call. I spoke and she just listened because she was unable to do so. She had the machine connected to her so she could breath easily. On the phone, I told her how much I loved her and missed her so much. Then, again, I started crying in between sigh and words of assurance that she'd be all right.
As I was talking, I advised her daughters to please set their cell phone to
"speaker phone" so they would know the time when I am done speaking with their mom. This way, I could then continue to give the girls advise on how to go about the needs to be done in case their mother passes away.
As I spoke, they told me about their mom being so happy while listening to me. CARMEN kept on smiling, they said, and raised her eyebrows to mean she understood that it was me on the other end.
Early on before she was attached to the life-sustaining machine, she asked if I had been informed already about her current state of health. Hearing about this made me feel how important our friendship was to her.
Before I ended my call, I reassured CARMEN that I will always be there for her daughters. And I will visit them whenever I can. I know she wanted this pact from me and I will do it.
After that last call I made to CARMEN, I called
EMILY SOMRIT, my other
Comadre (friend) in Bangkok, to ask about CARMEN's health. We are family- all three of us, all
Filipinas who lived/live in Bangkok. Being together there was like having a family
in absentia. There is so much love, support and caring.
As CARMEN's close friend, I am deeply sad that I was not able to travel in BANGKOK and be with her during her most difficult times. I was limited by time and space due to my travel restrictions dealing with my US citizenship application. As it is, I cannot leave the United States while my paperwork is in process. CARMEN knew about this as I hadexplained this to her during our phone conversation last MAY 2008. Her kids knew this as well. Still, I had regrets.
As a woman, CARMEN was always prim and proper, kind, elegant and was always well-dressed. She loved perfume and always went to the beauty salon twice or thrice a week to have her nails and hair done. Being neat and beautiful was important to her apart from her being the nurturing person she was to everyone.
She was compassionate to the very end and helped out the support staff at school where she taught. She gave them money during her pay day or gave them food to help them cope with their hard life. That was CARMEN. Good-hearted, selfless, and caring.
CARMEN was humble, intelligent and confident. She had a great sense of humor and a very loving nature. We were like sisters. We laughed together. We cried together. We shopped, ate, chatted and embraced as friends.
When we were together, it was a riot in a peaceful way with lots of laughs and fun.
We remembered those times we were speaking last MAY and all came out to be a nostalgia for us, thinking about those impish times we shared. We remembered, too- our longest phone marathon during my last year in BANGKOK in 1999. It was seven hours. We talked nearly about everything in the sun~ of our life, work, family, friends, dreams, challenges and faith in God.
We were that close.
CARMEN was passionate about life and enjoyed every minute of it. She was a woman who had a deep faith in GOD and great love for her religion- the Catholocism. She was prayerful and had that finesse, strength, stability, peace and tranquility that others admire and some envy about her.
CARMEN was one of the kindest and the gentlest people I ever met in my life. She was special, really.
On August 17, 2008, I received three succeeding emails from my close friends- OLIVIER FERNANDEZ and EMILY SOMRIT from THAILAND. They emailed to inform me with great sadness that CARMEN had passed away peacefully at 8:48 AM BANGKOK time.
On the day she died, husband and I were at church attending the 9 AM Sunday Mass at
NOTRE DAME DE VICTOIRES in San Francisco and had just prayed for her. Then, the news came through to us so fast, like a lightning. One day she was healthy, then the next she was sick- hospitalized, dying and now- dead and gone.
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| L to R: Wasinee, me & Carmen, one year before she died |
I miss CARMEN. She was a very, very good friend of mine.
SHE WAS GREAT.
SHE WAS AWESOME.
She always had something good to say about everyone even if at times other people had given her a rough time. All she said was,
"It is okay. God is my witness and it is all up to HIM to give them what they deserve."
We were almost like blood sisters. Her joys were my joy; her sorrows were mine, too. Her triumphs were my victories. And I was always so proud of her- she who was always unassuming and humble, who smiled meekly and quietly in one corner of her world.
As friends, CARMEN and I were like twins in a multitude of ways. We both love everything ITALIAN. We love good food and great company. We like being with positive individuals. We do not dwell on aches and pain but see the beauty of the world around us.
Together, CARMEN and I had 15 wonderful years as close friends who supported each other during that span of time.
Our friendship blossomed like grapes in the vineyard, aged by time.
We became even closer when her daughter WASINEE was confirmed in the Catholic faith and I became her godmother in 1999. Since then, CARMEN's endearment for me was "COMADRE" until the day she died.
Our friendship will forever live and it will continue on through her children, WEENA and WASINEE.
- CARMEN was 59 years old and a native of CEBU, PHILIPPINES, who lived overseas for most of her life. She met her ex-husband in ATENEO de MANILA UNIVERSITY where she was a graduate student of education. They met and fell in love.
- CARMEN taught in the elementary section of RUAMRUDEE INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL in Bangkok, Thailand for 29 years.
- CARMEN is survived by her two daughters, WEENA and WASINEE NOPPAKUNTHONG.
CARMEN'S PHOTO DURING THE WEDDING DAY OF HER DAUGHTER, TAKEN IN EARLY MAY 2008, BANGKOK, THAILAND
This page is dedicated to CARMEN for her legacy as a mother, wife, educator, sister, cousin, aunt, neighbor and a friend.
