CHARACTERS AT MY GYM

Now that we are in business, there are busy days and tiring days that pull us away to exercise. Two days ago, I get to observe once more the bunch of interesting individuals around me. Here are some:

1. MAN WITH A CAP AND BACK-PACK ON HIS BACK CHARACTER- he was kicking it off at the elliptical machine, unmindful of what he appears to be as a weirdo- complete with skiing shades, et al. Whew!

2. WOMAN IN HER SKIMPY NIGHTIES AND PAJAMA LEGGINGS- she was sweating it out at the elliptical machine as well. Soon enough, she was doing her stretching, flying trapeze expertise at the stretching area of the gym. Husband and I had a feast looking at her magical wonder at the corner of our eyes. Did she forget to wear gym clothes? Perhaps, this was her option. She was wearing a loose empire cut nighties in silk, with a spaghetti strap and low cut back style. It was very flimsy and the hemline was cut isometric style that was diagonally hugging her hips to her knees. Then, her printed pajama leggings struts as she gyrates and shows us her muscle control on her butt, legs, hips, boobs and all.


3. MAN IN HIS TERRY COAT JACKET WITH THE HOOD SHATTERING HIS FACE- he was wearing this winter thick jacket. What for? I think he is trying to sweat it out fast or fronto. But he is not the type who sweats easily so be it.


4. WOMAN WITH GYM BAG BESIDE HER WHILE DOING HER CARDIO VASCULAR ROUTINE- it is such a sight to see this bunch of people drag their gym bags and or travelling bags wherever they are at the gym. Didn’t they hear of locker rooms where they could dump this stuff? Apart from its ungodly visuals, it eats space, man! Give me a grip!



5. MEN AND WOMEN WHO WEAR BASEBALL CAPS- I have no idea why they have to wear a hat inside the gym? We hardly see the sun in the winter so why wear it, for effect? Santa Banana!

6. THE MACHO TYPE- it is his first day at the gym, obviously, because he is trying to figure out how to use the machine. Then, he looks around, checks out the women then the men and then, who is looking where. And are they looking at his direction? Is there anyone checking out his six pack or his flabs? So, he does the impossible and sets the weight to the heaviest he could think of- what for but to impress? But because this idiot is not akin to using these weight machines, he bangs the machine he is using and makes a loud sound out of it with the whole folks at the gym trying to see and find where the sound originated from. And presto, from his direction!



7. SPECIAL EFFECTS PERSON- this type makes odd sounds when using the weight machine or the free weights. He or she makes this high-pitched sound of struggle because the weight is just intolerable to him/her. But, he/she does it anyway because of the thought that doing it fast could bulge their muscles, tone their flabs and be sexy all at once. FALSE! Muscle toning happens after months and years of training. And it does not happen overnight!


8. WOMEN WITH UNTIED AND UNKEMPT HAIR- it is such a turn-off to see them workout with their long hair tumble up and down while they do the cardio vascular routine.

9. FAKE BLOND CHINESE SLIM FIFTY SOMETHING WOMAN- she is slim and married to a Caucasian. She wants to be taken as an exotic animal and not a has-been. This one really freaked me out a week ago. She came wearing her Bermuda leggings and tight haltered party shirt that slightly showed her aging tummy and belly button. And then, she was wearing my pet-peeved of tightly cupped boobies wrapped in push-up style brassieres. Well, that is fine in casual clothing but not in a gym! And was she wearing trainers’ shoes? Nope! She was wearing a pair of high-hilled slip-on sandals!!! And she was cycling in a way I had not seen before (*SIGH*). She was RIDING on one side of the elliptical machine with both her feet there, and balancing in the narrow space of the pedal- que horror! And for goodness sake, she was cascading as if she were in a horseback riding scheme with King Arthur! No wonder I was kind of perplexed seeing that image at the mirror 20 meters across me! Well, she was gliding along heavenly in a full extravaganza of motion! And there she was, trying to attract the attention of veryone there to tell us that yes, indeed perhaps she was once circus queen? Yikes!

10. SAUANA MONSTERS- these are the creepy ones who come in their gym outfit complete with socks and shoes, towel in their hands, books to read, eye glasses, and water to drink- inside the sauna! The least they could do is wear their bathing suit! And mind you, they don’t want to get a splash of water when I get back from a quick cold shower- time and again, every ten minutes! Is it my fault if they get a splash (ha-ha)? When they are not supposed to be dressed that way?

11. WOMAN SPEAKING IN HER CELLPHONE AT THE WHIRPOOL- this is supposedly a holy place of peace and quiet where people just wish to be left alone in their solitude. But this bitch one evening was blaring out her lungs telling her boyfriend to get lost!!!! My eyes just kept popping out of my face while she was doing her monologue. After a while, I decided to go to the steam room which was a lot better and quieter.


12. SWEATY ONES WHO NEVER WIPE OFF THEIR DIRT AT THE MACHINE- they are a handful in terms of figures but man when they hit it with their sweat, the machine rains like water! And they don’t wipe it with the spray chemical to clean it up nor dry it out with the paper towel available in one corner of the gym. Yikes!


13. WOMEN WHO WEAR PUSH-UP BRAS WHILE WORKINGOUT- these are mostly newbies at the gym who come in full gear of make-up and provocative bras in leopard design. It is so tasteless I want to puke whenever I see their little titties or big pair of knockers juggling up and down because they are not properly supported by a pair of sports bra! A week later, they realize that it is not gonna work. And it is such a pain. Eventually, they learn their lessons and wear the appropriate sports bra.

14. NEWBIES- these are the pitiful ones who go through the introduction of gym life except, of course, that they are being tortured right between my eyes by their trainers. These certified personal trainers are butt heads who would discourage you to use the machine or the free weights but would encourage you tremendously to do the calisthenics they want you to suffer from. Where in the world you’d find creatures who would force the first-time enrollees to do those torturous sits-ups, stretching, bending, 30-minute cardio at the treadmill or elliptical machine, when it is their first time to do so?
I, for one, have not worked out for about three years when I enrolled at this gym with husband in December 2007. And I went through that hellish overture. After my first few encounters with my then Chinese American male trainer, I omitted coming to the gym for three months because all I felt was inadequacy on my part to reach up to my trainer’s expectations. Also, I thought he was unprofessional in his way of dealing with me as a client. I was aching all over right after my first encounter with him by following his advise. I remember having a tough time going downstairs from the gym to the ground floor. Creepy, right? So, off I went back home with dear husband and never came back. Then, boom! I remember us that we had paid three years in advance for this health plan! And it is non-refundable! So, our vendetta was to go back and workout, minus the last sessions each of us was entitled to have. Then, we did it on our own, followed our rhythm, and created our routine from stretching to cardio to weights. Now, I am one size down on casual petite size clothes for women. And I can fit into the medium size teen size! I lost about 20 lbs. I am still overweight with a body mass index of 26.5 buy I am getting there. My muscles are getting toned. My triceps look good. I look better in a bikini these days, not bad for a post thirty something, years and years ago!

Anyhow, looking at the world around me inside this cocoon of a gym makes me think that we all go there for a gazillion of reasons but mainly for health and fitness. We are from different life perspective. We vary in size, age, color, and life experience. Yet, we are one in the aspect of living a healthy life and hoping to live longer than what we expected to be. This is PIZZICATTO, reporting from San Francisco!

Ciao, for a Thursday morning!